one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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