does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
