i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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