Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
