You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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