I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Boobs speak an international language.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
