I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
