when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
