i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
