I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
