Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
