im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
