when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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