if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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