I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
