I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dicks are not precious.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
