Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
