how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
