I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
