the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
