one two three fourrrrnication!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
