Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
