Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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