Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My ass is underappreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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