Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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