sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
