hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
