question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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