You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
