the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
