Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
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I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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