Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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