I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
