you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
