Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I checked into jail on foursquare
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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