Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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