how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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