After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
