There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
