I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
