if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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