My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
