just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
