I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
