I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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