I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Randomize
