someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
