Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
