i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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