I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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