its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
