He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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