That's intense
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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