pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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