My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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