If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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