I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
