I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
MIDGETS
????
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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