Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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