I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
