Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
