Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
please come you make the beer taste better
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
