u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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