shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
