I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
