i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
