Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
