One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
