Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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