btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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