so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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